


Laconic Deficiency

by pepperz



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fiction, For what is truly real?, Gen, Loose pseudonyms, M/M, Multi, Nonfiction, Original Fiction, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-01-02 18:09:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21165917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pepperz/pseuds/pepperz
Summary: Hello, my dearest reader. Why have I chosen to post my journal? Simple; someone will read it. What is the point of writing if there is no reader? No you? I write only for you. It is of no matter how long this story will sit unread; months, years, decades; but it will be read. One person will read it. A real person. You.





	1. 7/12/2020

Hello, my dearest reader. Would you like to delve back into a time before all this? A time before the word 'quarantine' triggered a wave of emotional numbness, before human contact was a commodity? Look elsewhere, for while we will briefly delve there for contextual purposes, we will not linger. It is a useful skill to stay firmly grounded in the present, albeit one that I have yet to master. My name is not Addison McCoy, but it makes little difference; titles are irrelevant. 

As I write this the clock shows 04:54. I have yet to sleep. I dedicated this night to rewatching Space Force, eating kiwis, and reminiscing a simpler time. As if any time was simple. As if any comforts we take on this Earth isn’t a distraction from the fact that you are alone. You are reading this and you are alone. I do not exist. 

As you can tell, my reader, I am disorganized. An unfortunate side effect of not taking into account meaningless grammatical rules. Oh, the woes! I know not what I am saying. It is now 05.24.

You will come to know my character eventually but as even I know myself to be an unreliable narrator, here are the facts. I am 15 years, 8 months, & 28 days old. My biological sex is female. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall. I have brown eyes, and brown midlength hair with bangs. 

No matter how many journals I buy I cannot force myself to stain their beautiful blank pages with my meaningless attempts at self expression, thus I turn to this. As I believe myself to have explained in the description of this ‘story’ I feel the innate need to post this here. 

I used to share a journal with my ex-girlfriend, Angelica. The idea of physical journaling has been tainted by her presence in my mind but one thing about the experience was helpful. I realized that the reason I could never journal was because I felt there was no point. Who would ever read my entries? My future self? My kids, I thought, perhaps my children would like to learn what teenage Addison thought about, hm? But I know I would never wish upon my children the experience of reading something so self-indulgent and surface-level dark. 

Now on this vast platform on the other hand I know for a fact someone, somewhere will read this at least once. Whether it be someone interrupting their fanfiction read to browse the original works tag or perhaps the sole classmate knowing of my username. Hello, Nathan, if it is you. Yes, that is your pseudonym. Surely it’s not an improvement from your real name, I am rather fond of it, but no school shooters named Nathan are quite as well known as your namesake ;). 

Where was I? Oh, yes, just excluding whomever actually may be reading this with an inside joke to the one person I know in real life that could plausibly read this, but never will. At least I can appreciate my humor. 

It is now 05:50. I will cease writing.


	2. 7/13/2020

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I have no time to write a chapter summary, I have yet to even begin this 70k word masterpiece!

Hello, my dearest reader. I was worried you wouldn’t continue reading after my flimsy lack of an introduction. I write to you from my not-so-cozy American bedroom which has as much organization as my writing. I eagerly await sunrise as I will be attempting a morning run about my neighborhood for reasons I will discuss another day.

I have been contemplating the deletion or orphanage of my previous works on archiveofourown. The works surely provide no enrichment to the human race. Imagine aliens manage to download one piece of human literature. It is a 16 page imagining of text messages that their American founding fathers might have written, created by a 12 year old in 2017. The aliens allow us to ravish ourselves with global warming; it is for the best.

Then again, someone, however unlikely it may be, may look for my works one day. Maybe they had a fond memory of chuckling over my work as a child. I myself have spent many days wistfully remembering deleted works that in some way shaped my personality. My all-time favorite work of fanfiction was titled My Saving Grace and it was posted on fanfiction.net. I believe it was also posted on archiveofourown, but I will not trust my memories of over five years ago as fact. My Saving Grace. It was a Phantom of the Opera fanfiction. It was beautiful. Each page structured in such a way that I will actually give it the title of literature. I missed so much when I was a child(I write as 15 years old), reading what I should not have been reading at such an age. Yes, the story was explicit briefly at times, if my memory serves correctly, which only gives it more credit for earning my official ‘literature’ stamp despite this. It balances character development with overall plot. Romance with even more romance. My apologies for… Oh. Oh. Oh, reader. I. I have found it. I had thought it gone, whooshed away and I. Reader! A simple memory mistake-

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2322767/1/Saving-Grace 

In all its 70k words of glory. Reader, I am in tears. It was called Saving Grace. 

I must leave you now, reader, for I have something to go read myself. My expectations may be high but my memories…

I will see you next entry, my dear reader.


	3. Oh, I see.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I understand why you question me, I do, but I wish, my dear, you didn't do so in such a blunt and uneducated manner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: This is a work of fictional non-fiction.

My apologies, dear, that chapter description was harsh. Not as harsh as how I feel, though; I doubt this moment of irrational emotional intensity could ever be truly described by words, hm? Anyways, this isn't to all of you, just a part of you, as a person. One part of you questions me. Questions my authenticity, questions my meaning. I'm not sure you have ever understood me, reader. I truly pity you, however arrogant that sounds.

Anywho, reader, I must again apologize for my hiatus as I have unfortunately been compelled by logic and societal norms to return to the quote-unquote "normal" method of function via giving in to my circadian rhythms and sleeping at nighttime. I had been sporadically varying my brief sleep sessions, and it was at sunrise I would write for you. I write this at 20:54. Oh, the agony!

I have ignored my obligations and once again indulged in a new show. A netflix series titled 'In the Dark'. I will not bore you with an explanation but I do recommend you watch it. I find my to-watch list as overwhelming as my to-do list. First I must finish In the Dark, then watch Inside Number Nine, then watch Star Trek's Enterprise and Picard, the only two in the franchise I have yet to see. It really is exhausting being privileged enough to spend my time watching television, yes?

I must share some bad news. I have finally gotten around to reading Saving Grace, the fanfiction I thought was my childhood, but alas it is not the correct work. I distinctly recall My Saving Grace to open with a setting and date in bold, then break to Christine returning to the opera house. Yes yes, I have only my almost six year old memory to quench my thirst for nostalgia. What else is new, hm?

Oh, reader! I have neglected to inform you of my most recent socialization-! 

I went to my school!

Yes, exciting! Only myself, Chief, and five other cadets were there. Yes, I am part of my school's NJROTC, keep up! Why does that shock you? I seem more the library club type? That club is so exclusive...

I inventoried and stocked our supply room for around three hours. My specialty. I got my name tag, as well. A new one with my new rank. It is a bit concerning that it displays my full name to everyone. I do not wish for anyone to address me by my first name until we are acquainted, especially not a recruit. My name tag bore my name, job, and rank:

Supply CPO  
Chief Addison McCoy

I am so proud! 

I must go now, I have zoloft to take and a house to clean, reader, do not think yourself to be my only obligation. Not that I mind writing for you, of course.

-AM


End file.
